We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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