So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
