I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
