Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
