i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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