Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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