so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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