I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
