Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
