She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
