you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
