get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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