It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
