First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
