Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
