Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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