dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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