wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
