I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
