Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He shit in the fireplace
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
