i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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