im drinking this country out of the recession.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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