I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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