how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We are all done wearing pants today
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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