New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
