I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
