New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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