He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
