3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
