At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
