And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
