Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
