hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
