god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
