That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
