in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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