Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
