He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
