are you still at the devil's house?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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