thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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