A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
