i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
