He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
