Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
