your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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