Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
