HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
