dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
