tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
