my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
